Tape 1994.068 transcription

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01
It's got a grand chorus if you so wish to join in

This is nae a sang o love, na nor yet a song o money
Faith, it's nothin very peetifu, it's nothin very funny
But there's Hielan Scotch, and Lowland Scotch
And butterscotch and honey, there's neen o them for a'
There's mixture o the three.

An there's nae a word o beef brose, sowans, sauty bannocks
Pancakes, pess eggs for them wi dainty stomachs
It's a aboot a meal-an-ale at happened at Balmanacks
At McGinty's meal an ale far the pig gaed on the spree.

An they were howlin in the kitchen like a caravan o tinkies
Aye an some were playin ping-pong and tiddly-widdly-winkies
They're up the hall and doon the hall ye nivver sa sic jinkies
As McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gaed on the spree.

Well McGinty's pig hid broken lowse and wint up tae the lobby
Where he'd opened shoved the pantry door and come upon the toddy
An he took kindly tae the stuff like ony human body
At McGinty's meal an ale far the pig gid on the spree.

Miss McGinty she even bocht the hoose the wey it wis dark and crookit
She gaed heelster-gowdie ower the pig, for it she nivver lookit
An she let oot a skirl that would a paralysed a teuchat
At McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gaed on the spree.

An they were howlin in the kitchen like a caravan o tinkies
Aye an some were playin ping-pong and tiddly-widdly-winkies
They're up the hall and doon the hall ye nivver sa sic jinkies
As McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gid on the spree.

Johnnie Murphy he rin efter her and ower the pig was leapin
Fin he tramped on a nursit at wis sittin foo o drippin
An he fell doon and peelt his croon and couldnae hud fae greetin
At McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gaed on the spree.

Sae the pantry shelf came ricklin doon an he wis lyin kirnin
Amon saft soap, peasemeal, cornfloor, and yernin
Like a gollach amin traikle but McGinty's wife wis girnin
But the soss had pit a pantry fleer and wouldnae let him be.

An they were howlin in the kitchen like a caravan o tinkies
Aye an some were playin ping-pong and tiddly-widdly-winkies
They're up the hall and doon the hall ye nivver sa sic jinkies
As McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gid on the spree.

Syne they a' came skirlin tae the door and foun that it was tuggit
Aye an it held the faister aye the mair they ruggit
Til McGinty roared tae bring an exe, he widnae be humbuggit
Na, nor lockit in his ane hoose an that he let them see.

So the wife came trailin wi an ??? and through barrels hacken aye
And opened through the door at eens as ticht as they were packit
An a the crew came rummelin oot like tatties fae a packet
At McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gaed on the spree.

An they were howlin in the kitchen like a caravan o tinkies
Aye an some were playin ping-pong and tiddly-widdly-winkies
They're up the hall and doon the hall ye nivver sa sic jinkies
As McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gid on the spree.

Weel they hid spirtles, they hid tattie chappers, faith they were nae jokin
And they swore they garred the pig clartit for he wis nivver yokin
But by this time the lad wis fu and didnae care a docken
At McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gaed on the spree.

Noo there's eely pigs and jeely pigs and pigs for haudin butter
Aye, but this pig wis greetin fu and rowin in the gutter
Till McGinty an his foreman trailed him oot upon a shutter
At McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gaed on the spree.

An they were howlin in the kitchen like a caravan o tinkies
Aye an some were playin ping-pong and tiddly-widdly-winkies
They're up the hall and doon the hall ye nivver sa sic jinkies
As McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gid on the spree.

Noo Miss McGinty took the thing tae hairt and hid it in her closet
An rubbit Johnny Moffat's heid wi turpentine and rosit
Sin they harled him wi meal an ale, ye really would suppose it
That he'd sleepit in the messin straw and risen tae the spree.

Oh it's weary o the barley bree and weary o the wither
Bit it's kecherin amon dubs an drink they gang a weel thegither
But there's little doot McGinty's pig is wishin for anither
Oh McGinty's meal-an-ales far the pig gaed on the spree.

An they were howlin in the kitchen like a caravan o tinkies
Aye an some were playin ping-pong and tiddly-widdly-winkies
They're up the hall and doon the hall ye nivver sa sic jinkies
As McGinty's meal-an-ale far the pig gid on the spree.

02
A change of tempo for ye noo. I'd like tae dae ye a poem by Ian Middleton, entitled

If auld Hughie Clark hid bin born in a park
He couldnae a been ony war barkit
He'd a hide like a boar, wi tide marks galore
That a pick would hae struggled tae mark it

The only bits clean were the fites o his een
Or so I've been led tae believe
An a little pink bib fer aneath his lang nib
Far he dicht at his nose wi his sleeve

It wis the doctor at said that he'd taen til his bed
So the wife an me lookit in by
Wi a bite and a sup, and tae raid the place up
In case he'd the doctor tae cry

He wis fine pleased tae see us
And it seemed his disease wis nae mair than a touch o the flu
So we baith made a start tae muck out the clart
Far this kirn woulda near made ye spew

There wis semmits an socks stickin oot o a box
Wi galluses, combis and cloots
There wis kittlins and cats, and an auld pair o spats
And tatties wi sive an inch sproots

There wis remedies sure for calfies wi scoor
An potions for curin and killin
And various mets half etten on plates
An growin their ane penicillin

Efter twa oors an mair, wi a brak for fresh air
For we'd nivver afore tried its marra
We got it ship shape wi the aid o a grape
And a guid puckle jaunts wi a barra

It wis then the wife said, that the state o the bed
Wis garran a cowk wi the smell
It wid need strippin aff, richt doon tae the calf
An sae would auld Huey himsel

So we rakit aboot, tik the stuff lookit oot
An we come on some stowed in a press
They were nae great bell but at least they were hale
Though gey near as black's Huey's face

But we couldnae but laugh at the blankets taen aff
Ye'd hiv thocht they'd been steeped in cement
And we baith lost wir rag getting them intil a bag
For we hidnae guid getting them bent

So the wife gid ootside and I washed Huey's hide
And shifted his divvers and his sark
It wis then I discovered the creatur wis covered
In flechs that did athin but bark

Says I, wi a shudder, as they crawled ower his rudder
Ye're just lowpin wi flechs min and bra eens
Says he, as he cla'd, I'm nae neer sae bad
Noo the big eens have aten the sma eens

So we scrapit and scrubbit and seen hid him rubbit
Until he wis nearly reed ra
San I gid him his met, sayin ye'll nae need the vet
So the wife and me we'll hud awa

But at hame it wis clear, we'd a sma souvenir
We were plestered in spots wi their cha'in
Aye, thanks tae aul Hue we hiv flechs and we've flu
And we canna get sleepit for cla'in.

03
Now I'm sure a you ladies in the audience like nithin better than a rake roon the shops. So if you ever come doon to Aiberdeen ye canna gae awa hame withoot comin to my wee shop in Bucksie

I am a merchant tae ma trade
And a ma days in Bucksburn bade
I sell maist athing so its said
In a wee bit shop in Bucksie o

For fear ye think I blow ma horn
An gang and leave ye a forlorn
I'll tell ye the nicht afore the morn
Some things I sell at Bucksie o

I've scarves and jumpers for the quines
Garden poles and fishin lines
Knitting preens and harra tines
And kens and brushes dandy o

I've parazone, yer claithes tae clean
Sausages and ??? creams
Specs and goggles for yer een
And snippit ba's and candy o

I've tattie chappers, iron quicks
And Glesgae buttons for yer breeks
Dibbles, fine for plantin leeks
And cross cut sa's and fiddles o

I've ??? syrup, chak and cheese
And paper traps for catchin fleas
Caster ile and splittit peas
And Beechams pills and vittles o

I've malter floor and treckle dubs
A kind a ??? for warts and scabs
Flannel claith and drawers and wabs
And ???? tripe and gundy o

I've blackened ham and slaters nails
And patent stuff for killin snails
And sa't for pittin on their tails
And peppermints for Sunday o

I've stable lantrens, gingerbreid
And caips for ony size o heid
Sma ??? and brushes tae kill them died
Soft soap and styes and leggins o

Mooth organs made tae fit a moos
An timmer stilts for cairts and ploos
??? wi herrins, felt and screws
Go ???

I've stuff to cure a hoasts and cauls
I've resins rice and rosed balls
Seedless pooders, ?????
And chocolate in braw boxes o

I'll sell you stuff tae kill a cat
To pooson gollachs, moose or rat
If that's nae true I'll eat ma hat
And rin ma reet tae Bucksie o

Since last I spoke aboot ma shop
I've gotten in anither stock
O odds and ends and other troch
to tempt the fowk in Bucksie o

The stuff come in afore the term
to suit the lads in toon or fairm
You ken there's nithin I've tae learn
Aboot things tae sell in Bucksie o

I've ??? currants, coloured flags
And whips tae spur on lazy nags
Melodians, clay pipes, Gladstone bags
???? work and waistcoats o

I've gramaphones and three fit rules
Potted heid and jiners tools
And slates for bairns to use in schools
yalla ??? and glue pots o

I've black mans hats and white mans cuffs
I've raisin floor and pooder puffs
At Christmas time I sell plum duffs
Monkey nuts and mittens o

I've tubes o cream for face or heid
??? pent for noses growin reid
I'll fit yer bike wi a new three speed
and hire a cairt for flittins o

I've ??? iron, all kinds o reeds
Moose traps and ingens, strings o beads
Sugar pills and chanty reeds
??? cribs and cradles o

I've heather besoms, yows and stirks
and packs o cards for daein tricks
Margarine and shooder picks
and cinnamon and ladles o

I've mealy jimmies, strippit socks
??? and floor an ???? clocks
I've spunks and mustard, brass port locks
Long ale and ties and tackits o

I've butter brasso tea and tacks
And cunnels made o grease and wax
And sacks for putting on yer backs
Stonehaven pipes and jackets o

I've emery paper tae clean yer ????
Dictionaries tae clear yer minds
Sweeties pigs and ????
???? cloots and ???? o

I've wireless sets for listenin in
And salmon biled and sided in
The kind o toys at mak a din
Soup plates and tam o shanters o

But noo I've telt ye jist enough
to gie ye an inklin o ma stuff
they hinner langer wi the buff
For here comes Mrs Bucksie o

So if ye'r ever doon the wey
Be sure and stop and gie us a cry
I've sik a stock ye'll surely stop
And buy a few things in Bucksie-o

04
It's nae that I'm vertically challenged, it's just ma bum's near the ground.

Right one of the ethnic minorities, since we're all into political correctness nowadays, that was really in to keeping music and tradition alive, are the travellers of Aberdeenshire, aye and which were the gypsy folk. And I have great pleasure in introducing our next guest, Elizabeth Stuart, who is going to come up here and sing you a couple of fine songs. Welcome to Elizabeth Stuart

05
Ma feets freezing. Right ye've been listening to a lot o happy songs, funny songs. I'm going to start off by singin a very sad song and it's a very old one, its an old ballad that goes back to the 16th century. It tells the story of two brothers, two half-brothers, and the oldest brother was jealous of the younger brother, because the younger brother was heir to all the land. So the older brother was egged on by his mother to kill the younger brother. It's a lovely ballad. if I can get a key, at's the worst o standin up here, hae'in somebody tae play too. See if I can get a key.

O two pretty boys, they were gaen to the school
And in the evening comin home
Said the biggest boy to the littlest boy
O can you throw a stone, o can you throw a stone

O I cannae mair throw a stone
And little can I play at the bow
But if you go down to this merry green wood
I will try you a wrestling fall, I will try you a wrestling fall

So they went down to this merry green wood
To try a wrestling fall
Big brother John took out his little pen knife
And stabbed William to the ground, and stabbed William to the ground

O you tak aff your white linen shirt
And you'll tear it fae gore tae gore
And you'll a wrap it roon the wound
And the blood will come no more, and the blood will come no more

So he took off his white linen shirt
And he tore it fae gore tae gore
And he a wrapped it roon the wound
And the blood came ten times more, and the blood came ten times more

O what will your dear father say
This night when you don't go home
Tell him I go to London school
And like a good boy I'll come home, and like a good boy I'll come home

And what will your dear step-mither think
This night when you don't go home
Tell her the last place she played for me
That I would ne'er come home, that I would ne'er come home

06
Well abody seems tae like is een. Very simple song, but a beauty This come from the singin o ma family, in fact all the songs that I sing come from the singin o the Stuart family, Fetterangus. An is is one that, well I ken the Longside lads like it, ye see them, Scot. So I'll sing that for you.

Doon yonder den there's a plooman lad
and some summer's day he'll be a my ane
And sin laddie o and sin laddie aye
The plooman laddies are a the go.

I love his teeth and I love his skin
I love the very cairt he hurls in
And sin laddie o and sin laddie aye
the plooman laddies are a the go.

Doon yonder den I could ha got a millert
but the smell o dust wis hae daen me ill
And sin laddie o and sin laddie aye
the plooman laddies are a the go.

Doon yonder den I could a got the merchant
But a his things werenae worth a groat
And sin laddie o and sin laddie aye
the plooman laddies are a the go.

I see him comin through yonder toon
Wi a his ribbons hingin roon and roon
And sin laddie o and sin laddie aye
the plooman laddies are a the go.

And noo she's courtin her plooman lad
Is fair ever he left the ploo
And sin laddie o and sin laddie aye
the plooman laddies are a the go.

And sin laddie o and sin laddie aye
The plooman laddies are a the go.

07
Now the next group that are going to come up are fine chiels and a young loon, Gordon Easton, George Murray and Tom McKean.

They are going to give you three tunes, anyway two moothies and a fiddle, no? Two moothies and something else. And then Gordon is going to bide on and he'll give you a couple of bothy ballads and he is going to diddle, which they tell me isn't illegal in Shetland yet, but I'm sure some councillor will think up a law about it. So I would like to introduce you to Tom McKean, Gordon Easton and George Murray

[Applause.]

08
[Tunes.]

09
????
There wis a chap who was fee'd doon the hill there who belonged to Rhynie. Sandy Simpson.

Rhynie, oh.

Aye, aye he wisnae very easy harreled. And there wis three big farmers ower the flat there

Well we got started wi the ?? did we?

And I managed up and up there an they were a aul farmers, ??/ they were steppin aboot oot ower. But he said, till yon mill, that wis her granfather, wouldnae even gae and gie him a haun. He gid ??? , he says managin nae ill. She ever aye said there wis aye twa o them doon at ey time and whilst the third een wis doon afore the first een were up.

So he ?? the lot o them?

Aye, they couldnae mak a thing o him. Aye, he wis terrible stoot roon here. Oh what a fine that man paid for fechtin.

Was he?

Aye there used to be twa brithers an wis a bittie wild kind fan they got drink. Belonged to Rhynie. And the brither by the time that they were baith in, the Wullie he said o when sentence wis passed 'I doot I'll hae tae gin ben the hoose' he hidnae sillers tae pey. Oh son, he says, I'll pey for ye min. Well the Shirra said his brither for a good man here, left a lot o money.

Tell us, in the old days now there'd be wakes when somebody died. Tell us their maistly Catholics are they no, or they used tae be around here.

No, if ye gan ower tae Glenlivet they're maistly Catholics.

But Strathdon used to be.

Oh there were a lot o them, one time micht o been. Oh there's a fair ??? yet doon, incomers ye see, jist.

Aye, aye incomers. But ??? she was a Catholic.

Aye, and a her family.

10
Were you brought up as a Catholic?

No, I ma father wis a Protestant. My mither was Catholic in her young days.

So she kinda fell in with him. And tell us these incomers that are coming in now are they fae the Alford side or Banffshire.

Ah well I couldna tell ye. This lad, ?? the cottages doon there, ??? they come awa fae Cullen or Buckie.

Oh there's plenty of Catholics in Buckie.

Well the wife comes fae Buckie. An then there's.

11
But, well he got her coddled roon and athin came ok in the hinder. And they bought a pub in Kelvin Hall ye ken, and a the lads did their drinkin and they jist tot athin back.

A summer mornin as I gaed walkin
Awa doon by the Broomielaw
It wis there I met wi a fair young maiden
She hid cheeks like the rose and her skin like sna.

Says I fair lassie, why dae ye wander
A by yer een on the Broomielaw
Indeed kind sir it's the true I'll tell ye
I'm a bleacher lassie from Kelvinhall.

Oh lassie, lassie, if ye'll gang wi me
I'll dress up in fine satins braw
Oh no, kind sir, I will plainly tell ye
I've a lad o my ane and he's far awa.

For sine lang years I hae loo'd a sailer
For sine lang years he has been awa
And anither sine years I'll wait upon him
And I'll bleach my claes here on Kelvin Hall.

Oh lassie, lassie, ye are hard hairted
I wish yer fair face I nivver sa
For nicht and mornin my hairt's been achin
For the bleacher lassie o Kelvinhall.

But lassie, lassie ye dae remember
When the ships that sail by the Broomielaw
And a sailor laddies that did their courtin
With the bleacher lassies o Kelvinhall.

And lassie, lassie, ye hae been faithful
And ye thocht on me when I was far awa
True hairts mine surely be rewarded
And we'll pairt nae mair here on Kelvinhall.

So noo that pair they hae gotten mairried
And they keep an ale hoose atween them twa
And the sailor laddies they aye come drinkin
At the bleacher lassie on Kelvin Hall.

12
Is is a little episode that happened last Christmas I think it wis. We were ga'n through Strichen, as I come doon tae Strichen toon, it's a wee village at the fit o ??? and it's aboot four mile from far we stay. And there wis some late Christmas cards to be posted. So Isobel, my wife, got oot o the motor and crossed the road and intae the post office, and she met in wi a lady there that she was weel acquaint wi. She wis in cashing her pension ye see, and she was telling us 'I was jist in cashing ma pension ilky week, it's something that taks me oot o the hoose, and jist somethin tae dae'. And Isobel says 'Ach we jist cash oors ilky fortnight, ye get mair money that wey'. And she says 'Ee div ye?'. It wis jist a minute er the penny dropped ye ken. Wi gid awa tae Fyvie til a concert or something that night, and it wis jist something I could relate to, it just came oot o the blue.

13
This is another Glasgae song, and it used to be affa common in the North East o Scotland. It jist nearly rips ye apart ye ken. Up until about the 1860s if you poached a salmon oot o the river or shot a grouse on the hillside, and coppit at it of course, ye wis lockit up. And ye wis deported, and ye could dae nithin aboot it, and ye wis deported as slaves tae Tasmania and Australia and ? land. And the fittest survived and the folk that wisnae sae fit didnae arrive at their destination.

Oh my name is Jimmy Raeburn, fae Glesgae toon I came.
My place o habitation I tell ye fin shame
For my place o habitation noo I maun gang awa
And leave the bonny hills and dells o Caledonia

It wis early in the mornin, afore the dawn o day
Our keeper he came roon to us and unto us did say
Arise ye hapless convicts, arise ye een and a
This is the dae that ee mun stray fae Caledonia

We mounted the coach and wir hairts were foo o grief
Our parents, wives and sweethairts could grant us no relief
Our parents, wives and sweethairts their hairts were broke in twa
Tae see us leave the hills and dells o Caledonia

Fair weel my aged mother, I'm grieved for what I've done
I hope none will cast up to you the race that I hae run
The Lord he will protect ye when I am far awa
Far, far frae fae a the hills and dells o Caledonia

Fair weel my honest father, ye are the best o men
Like wise men true sweethairt, it's Catherine is her name
Nae mair we'll walk by Clyde's clear streams or by the broomie law
Nor see again the hills and dells o Caledonia

If we nivver met on earth again, we'll meet in heaven above
For hallelujah's will be sung tae him whar is in love
Nae earthly judge shall judge us then bar he who ruleth all
Far far fae all the hills and dells o Caledonia

Far frae the bonny hills and dells o Caledonia

14
Now afore there wis a fine big bands gin roon aboot the places, the fairm dances, the ?? dances, the barn dances, and the meal and ales at the end o the hairst, the celebration, they were held they hid somebody wi a fiddle tae play tae them, but it was actually somebody wi a melodion or somebody wi a moothie and they used tae ply them wi drink tae get them tae perform richt, and some took a muckle drink. So they hid tae get a gype like me tae diddle, for the grand march they would maybe …. diddle.

Grand march, waltz, and so on ye ken. For a time yer hairt wis beating like that when ye hid a fine lass in yer oxter. But dinna lauch ower muckle. This wis whit they used tae dae a strip the willow with …..

[Diddling.]

15
May diddling never become illegal in the North East or Shetland. Now we're entering the twilight zone, you're in for a culture shock shall we say. Now for something completely different I would like to introduce you to Chuddy.

[Break in tape.]

16
[Music at start.]

Good evening again. The name Chuddy, I don't know how many know what Chuddy stands for, in the North East of Scotland it's chewing gum, but also known as chuggie. It's Chuddy down beside us. So that's the name we picked. We were thinkin the other night there, I'd phoned my wife and she was telling me the weather was closing in, snow and sleet on it's road up and I'd visions of getting stuck up here for about a month (cheers). I could see the headlines in the papers 'Chuddy stuck in Lerwick'. We're going to start with a tune called 'Rattlin, roarin, willie'

O rattlin roarin Willie he went to the fair
Bought himsel his fiddle and some other ware
???? his fiddle, a ??? his ee, rattlin roarin Willie,
Ye'r welcome here today.

Willie come sell yer fiddle, come sell yer fiddle so fine
Willie come sell yer fiddle and buy a pint o wine
??? ma fiddle, the world would think I wis mad
Mony's a rantin day the fiddle an me we've had.

As I came by Crochallan, I cannily keekit ben
A rattlin, roarin Willie wis sittin ????
Sittin at ??? among the company
Rattlin, roarin Willie, yer welcome here today.

17
Right we'll do a set o jigs that becomes a set o reels, that becomes, well I don't know what it becomes. The first one is called Curlyques, and the second one Jump with the sun. The last two tunes, well we don't know the names of them, and we'd be trying to think of decent names for them all week and we decided to go to Bressay, sight-seeing, that was great. We got as far as Mayfield. It's a beautiful, beautiful place. So we called them the Braw peerie walls of Mayfield. And another delight we discovered is the ??? Bar. That's ace, it's a wonderful place. Never seen anything like it. Has anyone here seen Star Wars, its just like the bar scene. We've been there a few times, well nearly every day, we couldn't believe it, we had to keep going back to find out. I've sold each and every one of these 'how much do you want for the drummer'. But the other day we, night before last we went in and we were all tooled up with our bits, and Jimmy had his stick in his back pocket. And this is gospel truth. And we went in and were stood at the bar, just me and Jimmy stood at the bar, ordered our drinks. And these monsters came in and looked at us, and I thought funny, and they give us a real wide berth and about an hour later and we were in the lounge playin, one of them came us and saw Jimmy playin, and he said 'Oh you play it , you play that, we thought it was a knife'!'. It's true. Absolutely frightened silly to go back in there now!

What are we doin ? Curlycues.

Wrong again.

[Play.]

18
Before we came up, we wrote a little song, first song we sort of penned and we called it 'Shetland Lights' and the idea of the song is a young lad workin offshore away from his wife and missed her somethin awful and standing on the oil rig looking out towards Shetland and seeing the lights about the island shining in the distance.

Is anyone here working offshore. Any wives whose husbands are offshore at the moment.

But seriously the walk up around the headland last night and as I looked up and the moon was shining and the clouds were drifting across the sky and the lights were all twinkling across Shetland and I couldna believe how close that was to the song having never been here in my life.

Shetland lights oh shining tonight, reflecting the tear in my eye
Across the sea between you and me, like a cloud on a moonlit sky

I'm ????? you take my pride, ???? my feelins, deeper inside
Shetland lights they make it alright, helpin me through the night

Shetland lights, oh shining tonight, reflecting the tear in my eye
Across the sea between you and me, like a cloud on a moonlit sky

There's rain on my face, pain in my heart, remembering times we were never apart
Miss you so much, your voice and your touch, maybe I was wrong from the start

Shetland lights, oh shining tonight, reflecting the tear in my eye
Across the sea between you and me, like a cloud on a moonlit sky

No more departures, no more goodbyes, can't wait to see the look in your eyes
Work on the land just like we planned, together under Shetland skies

Shetland lights, oh shining tonight, reflecting the tear in my eye
Across the sea between you and me, like a cloud on a moonlit sky

Shetland lights, oh shining tonight, reflecting the tear in my eye
Across the sea between you and me, like a cloud on a moonlit sky

Like a cloud on a moonlit sky.

19
Right we'll finish up our wee set before we get anybody and anyone up. We'll finish with a song called The Minstrel. It's a great song with a splendid chorus, the chorus is a tad on the difficult side it takes a bit of getting used to, but once you've got the hang of it it's really good. I'll tell you the story of the song first. There's this young lady who's living in a castle all on her tod, and she's bored out of her skull, you know how it is these castles. And then one day this wandering minstrel wanders by, minstrelling as he does, and being bored she says to her dad how about we book him for the night? So her father says, aye right, have a word with the Shetland Arts Council and says aye ok we can just about cover it, you know how it is. So they get this minstrel in for the night, and being a minstrel, suave sophisticated, debonair, Geordie. He has his evil way with her. And he swears his undying love to her as minstrels do and the next morning being a suave sophisticated Geordie he buggers off sharpish, rattles off into the distance never to be seen for a full year. And after a year he comes back to see his love, and she's getting married on that day to somebody else. So we'll miss out the bit where he takes the machete to the entire throng.

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